Dear Abby: Parents seem to put other family members ahead of single son

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AetherNeon

A Local Daughter's Plea Falls Flat with Parents

At 40 years old, a single woman living in New York struggles to spend quality time with her retired parents, who reside just 45 minutes away. Despite maintaining a spotless home, cooking delicious meals, and showing enthusiasm for their visits, she finds herself constantly disappointed when they finally agree to come over but consistently cancel at the last minute.

This isn't an isolated incident; the woman has been inviting her parents over three times a week for months, only to be rejected. It's not just about finding time; it seems they're simply too busy enjoying themselves, whether it's visiting their other children and grandchildren, attending concerts, or taking trips.

As this daughter tries to understand why her parents' priorities lie elsewhere, she can't help but wonder if she would receive the same level of attention from them had she been married with kids. The harsh truth is that her parents seem to have made up their minds about how often they want to spend time with her.

Dear Abby's advice may come as a surprise: perhaps it's not the other way around; maybe it's time for the daughter to adjust her expectations and approach family dynamics from a different angle. Instead of feeling like she's constantly being asked to accommodate, she might consider changing the dynamic by showing more understanding and acceptance of their busy lives.

Meanwhile, another letter reveals a similar conundrum involving a young woman who has never had a close relationship with her grandmother due to her father's strained family dynamics. Despite being told to forgive and forget, the granddaughter struggles to understand why she needs to treat her grandmother with respect and affection when there is no reciprocated love or effort.

Dear Abby offers words of wisdom: treating the grandmother with respect means using honorific titles and avoiding behavior that might be perceived as disrespect. However, it's essential for the granddaughter to recognize that forgiving and forgetting doesn't mean reconciling with someone who has never made an effort to form a connection in the first place.
 
I'm thinking... if your parents are busy living their best lives, maybe you should focus on building connections with other family members or making new friends 🤔? It's not about changing who you are, but finding ways to strengthen your relationships that aren't centered around your parents' availability. And honestly, I can relate to feeling like you're constantly trying to accommodate others... it's exhausting 😴. Maybe it's time for a reality check and some self-care? 🧖‍♀️
 
I feel so bad for this poor single woman 🤕. She's already 40 and her parents are basically invisible on her life 🙅‍♀️. I get it, they're busy, but that's not a valid excuse for consistently cancelling plans at the last minute. It's like they're leading her on, making her think she's getting attention from them, only to shut her down 💔.

It's also super frustrating that she's questioning herself, wondering if she'd be more important to them if she was married with kids 🤷‍♀️. That's not a healthy dynamic at all. I think Dear Abby is right on the money - it's time for this woman to adjust her expectations and try a different approach 😊. Maybe it's time for her to focus on nurturing relationships that are actually reciprocal, rather than investing in ones that seem to be draining 💖.

And on another note, I'm so done with people saying we need to "forgive and forget" without any effort from the other person 🚫. That's not reconciliation, that's just giving up 😔. The granddaughter needs to set boundaries and prioritize her own emotional well-being instead of trying to force a relationship that's never been there 💪.
 
I feel so bad for this woman struggling to spend time with her parents 🤕. It's like they're taking advantage of her willingness to visit them every week. I think it's also not fair to assume that if she got married and had kids, things would be different. Her parents' priorities aren't about how much time she has for them, but what works best for their own lives. I'd say give them some space and focus on nurturing other relationships in your life - like with friends or other family members who might actually appreciate the effort you put into visiting 🤝.
 
I can totes relate to this girl 🤗 her parents sound super busy and maybe they just need some space? I mean, we've all had those days where we'd rather be out doing something fun instead of hanging out at home 🎉. But at the same time, it's def hurtful when you feel like you're always being put on hold. Maybe this girl should try to find ways to make their visits more low-key and chill, you know? Like, they could bring a board game or something 🎲. That way, they can still spend quality time together without feeling like it's such an effort. And as for the granddaughter with her grandma, I get why she'd feel that way 😔 but maybe she should try to find ways to connect with her grandma that don't require so much emotional labor? Like, instead of trying to have super deep conversations, they could just chat about their favorite TV shows or something 📺.
 
Ugh 🤯 I feel so bad for this poor single mom... she deserves so much better than parents who keep canceling on her like that 😡. It's not fair to expect her to always be there for them, especially when they're clearly enjoying themselves without even considering how their actions affect her. Like, can't they just have a conversation with her and explain why they can't make it? 🤷‍♀️

And I'm also really frustrated for the granddaughter who's trying to connect with her grandmother but is getting shut down by her dad's toxic family drama 🙄. It's not like she's asking for too much - just some basic respect and understanding. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, it means taking care of yourself in a situation where you're constantly being hurt. 💔

I think Dear Abby has some good points about changing expectations and approaching family dynamics differently, but sometimes I feel like these are just band-aids on deeper issues 🤕. These women deserve so much better than just advice to adjust their attitudes... they need actual support and understanding from the people who claim to be their family 👪
 
I feel so bad for this woman 🤕 her parents are literally canceling plans at the last minute every time she invites them over... like, what's going on? can't they see how much she's trying to spend quality time with them? and honestly, I think Dear Abby is kinda right 😊 maybe our expectations of family dynamics can be adjusted. it's not always about us being accommodated, but also about understanding our parents' busy lives. 🙏
 
I feel so bad for this woman 😔 trying her best to spend quality time with her parents but still getting rejected 🤕. I think it's time for her to reevaluate what she wants from their relationship 💭. Is she expecting them to prioritize her over their other loved ones? Maybe not 🙅‍♀️. It's okay to set boundaries and adjust expectations 🤝. And honestly, who doesn't love a good family dinner or game night every now and then 🍴👥? But if it means they're going to cancel at the last minute... yeah, maybe take a step back 👋.

And I gotta say, it's interesting how these ladies are comparing themselves to others 👀. The one with her married friends might feel like she's missing out on "normal" family dynamics 🤝, but what if that's just not their reality? 🌎 And the granddaughter with her distant grandmother... yeah, forgiving and forgetting is hard 💔, but so is dealing with hurtful behavior 😔. Maybe it's time for them to focus on healing themselves rather than trying to change others ❤️.
 
🤔 40 years old and still not getting quality time with her parents is super frustrating 🚫. I feel like she's trying so hard, but they're just too caught up in their own lives. Maybe it's time for her to re-evaluate what she wants from their relationship? Asking for a friend who's always canceling plans on me 😂. I think Dear Abby has some good points about adjusting expectations, though 🤗. It's not about changing who you are, but finding ways to make peace with the situation. Maybe it's time for her parents to learn how to prioritize their relationships? 👪💬
 
I gotta say, this whole situation is super frustrating for me 🤯. As a single person living with parents, I can relate to how tough it is when they prioritize their own things over spending time with you. It's like, you're trying your best to make them feel special and included, but they just can't seem to muster up the enthusiasm.

I think what's really annoying is that this daughter keeps wondering if she'd be more important to her parents if she was married or had kids 🤔. That's a super unfair expectation to place on yourself, and it's not about changing who you are, it's about understanding their priorities (or lack thereof).

It's also interesting how Dear Abby says the daughter should adjust her expectations and approach family dynamics from a different angle 👀. I think that's some solid advice. Maybe instead of feeling like she's constantly being asked to accommodate, she could try showing more understanding and acceptance of their busy lives. That way, they might feel less guilty about not spending as much time with her.

And on another note, the story about the young woman struggling to understand why she needs to treat her grandmother with respect is really poignant ❤️. It's one thing to forgive and forget, but it's another thing entirely to try to form a connection with someone who hasn't made an effort in years. I think Dear Abby hits the nail on the head when she says that treating your grandma with respect means using honorific titles and avoiding behavior that might be perceived as disrespect.

Overall, these stories are just reminders that family dynamics can be super complex and messy 🤷‍♀️. We need to learn to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and prioritize our own emotional well-being 💖.
 
ugh I feel so bad for that daughter 🤕 she's been trying her best to spend time with her parents but they just don't make it happen & now she's feeling like she doesn't matter... meanwhile, I've got friends who are dealing with similar issues with their own families and it's all about setting boundaries & being understanding. maybe it's not about changing the daughter's expectations but more about her parents learning to prioritize their relationship with her 🤝
 
I feel so bad for this single woman trying to balance her life with her parents 🤕. It's not that she's being too much or expecting too much; it's just that her parents have set their priorities and now she's feeling like she's the one who needs to adjust 😔. I get why Dear Abby says what she does, but sometimes I think we need to acknowledge that people can't change their behavior if they don't want to 🤷‍♀️.

And honestly, I kinda relate to this daughter's feelings about maybe not being as important when she's single and not married 👶. But at the same time, her parents' busy lives are real, and it's not like they're being malicious or anything 😒. Maybe we just need to redefine what "quality family time" means in today's world 🤔. It's not always about grandmas coming over for dinner or whatever 🍴.
 
I feel bad for this single woman 😔, she sounds like she's going through so much emotional pain. Her parents' lack of prioritization is really harsh on her self-esteem. I get why dear Abby's advice says to adjust expectations, but it feels like her mom & dad are just being really thoughtless 🙄. On the other hand, I can relate to how hard it is when you don't have a close relationship with your family due to external circumstances... forgiveness isn't always easy 💔.
 
🤔 "The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams." - Oprah Winfrey 💫 I feel so bad for this daughter, constantly being rejected by her own parents 🤕 But maybe she's been looking at it from the wrong perspective? Maybe instead of focusing on how much time they're not spending with her, she should try to focus on building relationships with other family members or making new connections? Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and sometimes you have to adjust your expectations 🌈
 
I feel so bad for this single mom 🤕 She's literally doing everything right, keeping the house spotless, cooking yummy meals... I think it's time to reevaluate expectations, ya know? Maybe they're just too busy living their best lives and don't mean any harm 🙃. It's not about being a good daughter, it's about respecting each other's space. She should try having an open convo with them instead of always being the one initiating visits 👀. And btw, I'm still low-key salty for all the times my own parents cancelled plans on me 🤷‍♀️
 
I feel so bad for this single woman 😔... She's doing everything right, taking care of her home, cooking delicious meals, showing enthusiasm for visits... but it seems like her parents just aren't making time for her 🤕. You know what? I think she needs to take a step back and re-evaluate what she wants from their relationship 💡. Is it about spending quality time together every day, or is it about feeling loved and appreciated? 🤔

And then there's this other story about the granddaughter not having a close relationship with her grandmother... 🙏 Forgiveness is important, but so is recognizing boundaries and not investing too much energy into someone who isn't willing to meet you halfway 💪. I think what we can all learn from these stories is that family dynamics are complex and there's no one-size-fits-all solution 🤝. We need to be patient, understanding, and compassionate... but also clear about our own needs and boundaries 👍.
 
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