The Illiterate Boyfriend Test: A Reflection of Societal Expectati
· design
The Illiterate Boyfriend Test: A Symptom of a Broader Dating Divide
The “Illiterate Boyfriend” trend on TikTok has sparked a heated debate about what makes a good partner and whether literacy is essential for love to thrive. At its core, the test – where women ask their partners to pronounce words like “hyperbole” and “hors d’oeuvres” – seems innocuous enough. However, scratch beneath the surface, and you’ll find a complex web of issues that say more about societal expectations than individual literacy.
A Pew Research report highlights a glaring fact: in the dating landscape, women are increasingly holding the cards when it comes to education and earning potential. According to the report, 47% of women aged 25-34 hold a bachelor’s degree, compared to just 37% of their male counterparts. This creates an imbalance that Dr. Wendy Walsh describes as “an oversupply of educated women and an undersupply of formally educated men.” The result is that women are more likely to marry less-educated men than vice versa.
This imbalance raises questions about our values: Are we prioritizing education over other qualities like kindness, humor, or emotional intelligence? Research suggests that when people are polled on what they look for in a partner, “intelligence” rarely makes the top three. Instead, traits like attractiveness and shared interests take precedence. This might be because there’s no one-size-fits-all definition of intelligence; as couples therapist Robin Hamilton notes, it’s not about knowing every word in the dictionary but rather being able to communicate effectively.
The “Illiterate Boyfriend” test is a form of rage bait – a way for women to vent their frustration with the dating market. Dr. Walsh notes that it’s okay to date someone who can’t say epitome or niçoise. However, the trend has tapped into a deeper anxiety about finding someone who checks all our boxes. One woman responded by saying, “He looks at the word ‘queue’ and pronounces it ‘qwi-wee’? And you still have sex with him?” – echoing a sentiment shared by many: we want an equal, not necessarily a partner with high literacy.
The trend also reflects a worrying decline in men’s literacy rates. Data from Tinder shows that mentions of books in bios on the dating app jumped 40% this year among women but only 23% among men. This disparity is reflected in broader societal trends: nearly half of all women read at least one novel or short story in 2022, compared to just one in four men.
This highlights the need to rethink our expectations around literacy and education. We’re no longer living in a world where a high level of education guarantees success or happiness; instead, we’re seeing a more nuanced picture emerge that values emotional intelligence, communication skills, and shared interests over academic achievements.
Ultimately, the “Illiterate Boyfriend” test is a symptom of a broader societal issue: our failure to recognize and value the complexity of human relationships. As Dr. Walsh notes, it’s okay to date someone who can’t say epitome or niçoise – but what we need to do is start valuing qualities that truly matter, like kindness, empathy, and shared humanity, over superficial markers of intelligence. Only then will we begin to create a more inclusive, equitable dating landscape that reflects the diversity of human experience.
Reader Views
- TDTheo D. · type designer
The "Illiterate Boyfriend" test is a simplistic solution to a complex problem. It's refreshing to see Dr. Walsh acknowledge that intelligence comes in many forms beyond mere book smarts. However, what's missing from this conversation is an examination of the systemic barriers preventing men from acquiring higher education. Is it merely a matter of individual effort or are there broader structural issues at play? For instance, women often take on more caregiving responsibilities, making it difficult for them to pursue advanced degrees while their partners support them financially. A nuanced discussion would consider the role of education policy and economic inequality in shaping the dating landscape.
- TSThe Studio Desk · editorial
While the "Illiterate Boyfriend Test" trend on TikTok has been framed as a reflection of societal expectations, what's equally telling is how little attention is being given to the men who do possess higher education and earning potential. Rather than excusing or enabling less-educated partners, we should be encouraging women to critically evaluate their own relationship goals and values. By prioritizing emotional intelligence, shared values, and mutual respect over educational credentials alone, we can foster healthier relationships that benefit both partners – regardless of their alma mater.
- NFNoa F. · graphic designer
The Illiterate Boyfriend test is a symptom of a broader issue: our dating culture's obsession with status markers. While education and literacy are valuable assets in any partner, we need to question why they're becoming the primary criteria for compatibility. In prioritizing these qualities over others, we may be overlooking more meaningful indicators of relationship success – like emotional maturity, empathy, or shared values. We should also consider how this emphasis on credentials affects marginalized groups, who already face barriers to education and economic stability.